Transitional phase

So lately I’ve been feeling stuck. Very stuck. Completely empty with energy levels the same as a dehydrated raisin that’s been forgotten in the back end of the kitchen cabinet (the one you can not reach). At some point, I even thought I was done with painting. My polyamorous love affair with my pencils and canvas was over…

Well it’s not.

After analysing myself the last couple of weeks, I’ve come to the following conclusion:

I’m bored. I’m turning in circles and making the same marks and forms over and over again. Every work I make feels as if I’m on autopilot. I know what works, I know which colours will give me that little spark. Whereas before, the combination of some colours was completely exhilarating. I’m not challenging myself any more and am just doing what my galleries, collectors and followers expect of me. This is everything but fulfilling, obviously.

When I started my journey, I did it for me. Then I started making money with my art, which was pure luxury as I still had a job as a freelancer in the graphic design world. I quit that job because I couldn’t stand the computer screen any longer. It literally gave me nausea. I was done with the corporate world and was betting everything on my art. That’s some serious pressure on the art as it now needs to pay for my pizza’s, mortgage, drywall, plywood, dog food and the occasional pair of sneakers. But I didn’t care at that time, I was doing what I loved, I was having fun, and I was on a lifelong holiday. And that’s where it hit me… I wasn’t having fun any more, I wasn’t experimenting, I wasn’t challenging myself. I felt like I had a 9 to 5 painting the same stuff over and over again. No amount of podcasts with Mel Robbins, Tony Robbins, Jay Shetty could get me motivated again.

I shut down my phone, threw it behind a pile of plywood in a corner of my studio, took some foam, plaster and just started a little sculpture. No pressure, I wasn’t going to make something new, that had never been done before, no, just making something in 3D in the real world. And I was right, that was exactly what I needed. The creative flow started flowing again, I had thousands of new ideas and regained normal levels of energy.

The little sculpture turned into a lamp (that works) and it’s my very first piece of the new era I’m jumping in with both feet. I’m very curious and impatient to see where this will take me.